Back in April of 2016….
when my kid “came out” as trans, I had only been back in church for about 3 years after not going for about 17 years. I believe I had forgiven those who hurt us so deeply, yet I believe I may have buried that hurt and didn’t even recognize the damage it was doing deep down within me. Seventeen years of carrying hurt and not allowing God to bring me through healing. That’s another whole topic within this part of the story, which I will share later as God, even right now, is working within my heart on extending a new twist on the healing story. I was three years back in a local church. Healing is not easy, it’s difficult and often takes time and hard work. The day my kid “came out” I was still working on that healing. I didn’t have complete trust in church leadership. Yet that day, for some reason God led me to call my pastor. I don’t even remember the conversation, but it was good. Though he emailed me a link to an article Mark Yarhouse wrote on Gender dysphoria.
I’m pretty sure….
I read it, but I don’t think it helped at that moment. I believe I was in shock, instantly grieving, and hurting, and how I say it, having an internal freakout on how do I do this? At one point over the next few months, I did go back and read the article again, and I began to search for answers. I ended up on youtube watching all of Mark Yarhouse’s videos….far more often than once. I purchased his book, “Understand Gender Dysphoria”. I am so thankful I was led there. That was the beginning of my understanding of Gender Dysphoria and what my kid was going through.
UnderstandingTransgenderPhenomenonI also had my Bible…
I had begun already to search for answers to loving. I looked up verse after verse about loving. I had Jesus, my Bible, and “Understanding Gender Dysphoria”
All three were important, yet I felt something was missing. I needed someone to talk to. Ya, I talked to God, a lot. Though I wanted someone here on this earth to talk to. Someone who would understand what I was going through as a parent. I wanted God to give me people who could walk with me, in knowing how to do this.
There was no way….
I was going to talk to anyone at church. I was still learning how to heal, and well I was afraid of losing what I was gaining. So I searched online and found a support group of moms of LGBTQ+ kids. These ladies were so loving, so kind, and so encouraging. It was nice to have someone to talk to who understood. I quickly found out the ladies didn’t believe how I believed. I held the traditional Biblical view of “one man/one woman” and the divine purpose of God’s creation as male and female. BUT I so needed this love, this kindness, this encouragement. It felt so good to have someone understand.
I was afraid of sharing….
with the Christians I was learning to love, I was afraid of the church. What would happen? Would I be rejected? Would I end up losing this church too? How would I be treated? Could I still hug those I hugged on Sundays? So many questions, so many fears.
I believe this is what our kids go through. Before coming out, what will my Christian parents say, do? What will the church do? They won’t love us. Hence the question with pouring tears on coming out day…..” will you still love me”. Our kids are carrying the fear of who do I talk to, who will understand, what will they say, will they reject me, they don’t understand what I am going through….I’m sure so much more than I had inside me as a parent. My child carried this for years, years alone, who was going to care? Who was going to understand?
I found help….
Though I found the wrong kind of help. It was kind and it was encouraging, and it felt good, but yes it was the wrong kind of help. I needed people, God-loving people, who believed what I believed to be the truth, who could love me in this. People who believed the same as I, yet would not reject me and would walk with me in my many questions on how do I do this.
THAT’S WHAT OUR KIDS NEED…..
They need it not only when they come out, but they need it the moment they realize what is happening within them. Years before they come out. They need to be seen. They need to be heard. Without fear of sharing. They need help with their questions, with their what if’s. They need to know we will not reject them and we yes still love them and walk with them.
I had Jesus, and I believe he led me to more help with learning about Gender Dysphoria. Though I wanted more and I found more, yet it was the wrong kind of help. Our kids if not given the right kind of help, will go to the wrong kind of help.
I eventually left that online group….
God had already planned for other help. I went to the lady’s class at my church on Sundays. I had already had permission to share about my kid if I needed help. I needed help. One Sunday as I sat in class trying to listen but God was so loud within me, saying it was time to share. I literally sat there and argued with him. “No God, I don’t think so”, as the fear grew. He won. I’m glad he won. This small group of ladies didn’t understand what I was dealing with, but they were willing to hear, listen, learn, and encourage and pray for me through this and walk with me. They saw me, they heard me, they walked with me. They prayed for me, and they gave me space to continue healing and to grow in my walk with God in other areas. This allowed me to hear God more clearly in how to do this walk as a parent of an LGBTQ+ beautiful individual.
THAT’S WHAT OUR KIDS NEED….
To be seen. To be heard. To be able to speak without fear. To have God-loving people to walk with them. They need all the fear-filled noise to quiet down, so they can grow in Christ and allow him to lead them into what He wants for them in all areas. They need that safe place or they will go elsewhere. Without that safe truth-filled and grace-filled place, we will push them away elsewhere.
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
AS GOD’S CHURCH WE NEED TO BE THAT PLACE, THOSE PEOPLE.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.