God’s Help

I believe….

in the sovereignty of my God. He is in control of all things. He has total knowledge of all things. He has all power all the time in all things. He is everywhere all the time.

AND he is all that for me.

Matthew 10:29–30    Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.

AND He is so much more….

I look back at this journey and I look in awe of the ways God was there, long before my kid “came out”. There were times that I didn’t search out what God wanted. I just did what I thought was right, my right. I didn’t search out His wisdom and used man’s wisdom in place of God’s. Recently someone said to me “I know God will give you and **** what you need, but He may only give you what is needed for today”. Now this was in reference to something else, but those words were a powerful reminder that God did and still will provide.

I sit here….

and think about that comment and I just want to cry. A good cry because I have seen and heard and experienced God do this. Day after Day. Years leading up to when my kid “came out”. Story after story about how God put me where I lived, where I went to church, people who he placed in my life to walk with me, Sunday messages that I believe God sent just for me, His unique ways of giving me scripture after scripture at the right given moment, stories from others, encouragement from His word, from people, from songs, ministries who love the LGBTQ….people and things I didn’t even go looking for, they just came one way or another God put them right in front of me.

Maybe part of those tears….

are sad tears because I had moments where I chose to forget that promise that God will provide. There were times I chose my thoughts, my ways, my wisdom and I did it wrong. Then those times of choosing God’s way became greater and more often. Times when it all didn’t make sense, times when His way was scarier than mine, times when my way seemed more right and his way seemed like a lot to ask of me. God’s way was hard. It still is. God’s way at times seemed very unpredictable and uncomfortable. It still seems that way sometimes. Yet despite the difficulty and the uncomfortable, I am reminded that whether I am called to walk through what seems like a little creek, or a great big “Red Sea” God was always there and will always be there walking with me through it to accomplish great big God things. I don’t always get to see right in front of me God’s results but when I do, it just puts my heart looking up to him in awe of Him. Like “Wow God”, did you do that again! There are times when I don’t get to see the result but I am reminded to remember that he calls me to be faithful and that results are his. Hard lesson, but oh so true. And all God does is good. I have lived in the beauty of seeing little things come together as being great BIG God things.

How do I even share….

all the goodness God gave me even in the first year. How do I share piece by piece? I can’t share every word given to me, every scripture at the right moment, every message, every encouragement, all of it. Though I can right now share a small piece of how God works.

We had moved….

to a new area back in 2005 and were searching for a house. We looked at one, it was small. We kept looking, but something kept drawing us back to this little house. We made an offer with a stipulation that the roof be fixed. They counter-offered, and not having the roof fixed. We had limited funds so we had to turn it down and kept looking, house after house. We weren’t finding much except houses that needed a lot of work or were in a bad area. This house was move-in ready except for the roof and in a great neighborhood. We took a chance and went back and made the offer again. They took it, and they had already fixed the roof. I have no doubt God provided this house for us long before we got it.

In Easter of 2013….

I decided I would go to church. Now I don’t drive very far, so it needed to be close. There was one right down the street less than 5 minutes away. Now remember I wasn’t attending church for about 17 years now, except for an Easter here or there. This was just going to be for Easter, that’s it. I had no plans to go back. That morning, I just happened to post something on Facebook about Easter. It was that song. You know the one that goes:

"Living, He loved me, Dying, He saved me, Buried, He carried my sins far away,
Rising, He justified freely forever, One day He's coming, Oh glorious day, oh glorious day"

I get in my car and that song starts playing on the radio. The timing of that song! Like I said that church was a few minutes down the road! I get to church, oh and guess what…..the musical program was all around that song. How does that happen? My answer….only God. Now I can’t remember if there were even words spoken that day, but I can tell you for sure there was a heaviness in my heart and in my thoughts of God saying that he wanted me to come back here. That was scary for me. It meant going alone, but I did it. It was difficult to go week after week and to go alone. It was uncomfortable, and I struggled because of past hurts, but it was there that God took the deep church hurt I had experienced and turned it into healing within the church. It was there God placed someone who was so patient and so kind when I talked with him on the day my kid “came out”. He was so gracious every time I shared with him about my kid over the next few years. God never ceases to amaze me as I look back at this part of the story and know what God did in it all and with whom he chose to use to do it. Not only for me but also for how he used my story for others.

Two years after being there….

in mid-April of 2015, this Pastor from another state came and did a conference there. I didn’t go to it but I listened to online a year later in March of 2016 a few weeks prior to my kid “coming out”. This guy said stuff that really made me think, I liked what he said. It made sense, overall I think it made me realize it’s ok to make changes in how we do things within the church. I liked what he said so much that I decided to search for where he preached. I don’t think they were online then, but something kept me looking over the next year and I eventually found it.

In 2018….

I had a brief email interaction with him. Then there was 2020, a difficult year, far above what covid brought. This man that I have never met face to face was there in one of the most difficult parts of my life. The things he taught on Sundays online, the times he listened to what seemed like my endless freakouts through email, the encouragement he gave me, and the countless prayers for me and my family. God not only worked through him but also the two other pastors from that church praying for me and even included me in their online small group. That small bit I just shared again doesn’t even come close to giving justice to how God worked through that pastor and others at that church. I believe without a doubt that conference that he led back in 2015, God brought him there just for me knowing He was going to use him years later to walk with me through something very difficult. For me that was God. It was that was that pastor who just a week or so ago reminded me that God will provide but he may only give you what is needed for today.

How does this happen?….

How do all these little details fit in place year after year? Only God.

Now those two might not sound like much, but when I look at the whole story they are huge. God provided where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there, and who He brought into my life for me not only for that present time but for years later Over and over again. God has never once stopped providing me with what I needed to walk this path. His truth, His wisdom, His joy, His peace, His self-control within me, His strength when I felt so weak, His rest…..and His abundance of grace and wisdom in how to use that grace toward others.

AND God can….

and will do it for you too. He may not use the same church, the same people, the same scripture, the same song, the same prayers, the same encouragement and that’s ok. Because God looked at me and gave me what I needed and never once said no to providing what I needed and He will do the same for you. We just need to let Him.

Two of the scriptures God did give me during that first year. The first during my struggle with going back to church:

 Isaiah 43: 18-19. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? he is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

and then just a day or two before my kid “came out”, he gave me this……Only God.

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.